Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
