we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
