he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
