He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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