Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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