Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
