dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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