I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
