Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
