Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Come share oat with me in your robe
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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