I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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