yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
