A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
