is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
