Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
