On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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