Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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