we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
