Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
