so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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