we have pet lesbian snakes
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
