I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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