There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
