just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
