We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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