No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
