just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
