Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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  (503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt
  Replies (18) Good night (1041) Bad night (2387)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air

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  (610): the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air http://tfl.nu/jv3m
  Replies (31) Good night (820) Bad night (3675)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Ketchup is God's man juice

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  (720): Ketchup is God's man juice http://tfl.nu/p9oo
  Replies (43) Good night (2873) Bad night (1557)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.

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  (203): I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust. http://tfl.nu/xny1
  Replies (31) Good night (4030) Bad night (789)
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  (631): View more from New York

  stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well

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  (631): stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well http://tfl.nu/al3m
  Replies (6) Good night (3256) Bad night (1064)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

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  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (37) Good night (5231) Bad night (1230)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.

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  (+61): It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix. http://tfl.nu/uj3b
  Replies (7) Good night (987) Bad night (1436)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.

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  (502): She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't. http://tfl.nu/5w3y
  Replies (8) Good night (984) Bad night (2589)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.

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  (801): Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day. http://tfl.nu/wa25
  Replies (7) Good night (678) Bad night (1444)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.

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  (903): And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table. http://tfl.nu/a0uv
  Replies (1) Good night (773) Bad night (427)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT

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  (972): Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT http://tfl.nu/8ret
  Replies (4) Good night (1613) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.

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  (347): THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI. http://tfl.nu/yt9w
  Replies (5) Good night (625) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks

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  (204): Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks http://tfl.nu/u0ub
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.

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  (410): Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me. (443): Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life. http://tfl.nu/8aep
  Replies (5) Good night (805) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"

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  (209): He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!" http://tfl.nu/rqh5
  Replies (0) Good night (465) Bad night (349)

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