Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties