I am puke
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.