I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner