an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
