he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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