woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
