Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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