i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I would ride that face into the sunset
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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