Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
