I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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