Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
