If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
