Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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