She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
