So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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