My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
