first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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