i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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