I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have to summon your inner elephant
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
