Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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