I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
