What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
