The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
