I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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