At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
