eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
