This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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