You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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