She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
