Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
pray to the hookup gods
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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