I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
