this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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