At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
