YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
