so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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