FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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