R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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