its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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