Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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