Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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