My hand turned me down
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
