ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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