I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
