when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
