how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
