Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
birth control should be required to get into college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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