if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
